Lean In for Yourself

Small family farming is a labor intensive way to go broke. 

When I was young I spent some weeks each summer with my grandparents. As farmers and cattle ranchers, my grandparents scratched out an existence. My grandpa was up before dawn feeding cattle and out working fields of corn, milo, sorghum, soybeans, and wheat until after sunset. There were too few boom years, and too many bust years. They had neighbors who lost everything. My grandparents survived.

One thing that helped keep them afloat was my grandmother's rural elementary school teacher salary. When we ran errands together we frequently encountered her former students and it was clear from the things they said that they loved and respected her.

At one point she decided to get her master's degree. My granddad stopped her. He didn't like the idea that she would have more formal education than he did.

I've been thinking about this bit of my family history lately, prompted by reading Sheryl Sandberg's book, Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead.

My granddad may have perceived that his pride was spared by preventing my grandmother from pursuing her master's, but I've been thinking about the emotional, financial, and communal costs. Was my grandmother wounded by this? How could she not be? She would have made more money over her career and may have been a better educator, which would have benefited an entire community.

If he would have been supportive, allowed her to lean in to her career and leaned in more at home himself, how would things have been different?

As I said, my reflections on this were prompted by Sandberg's book, which I read because I'm a people manager and Sandberg is an incredibly accomplished leader and I want to pick up the lessons of great leaders wherever I can. 

I'm also a father to three young women. I want to support them in their careers and Sandberg is arguably one of the most successful business leaders of all time, perhaps I could learn something that would help me help my daughters.

This personal family anecdote came to me as I was thinking about this quote from Sandberg's book:

"Kunal Modi, a student at Harvard's Kennedy School, wrote an article imploring men to 'Man Up on Family and Workplace Issues.' He argued that 'for the sake of American corporate performance and shareholder returns, men must play an active role in ensuring that the most talented young workers (often women...) are being encouraged to advocate for their career advancement... So men, let's get involved now -- and not in a patronizing manner that marginalizes this as some altruistic act on behalf of our mothers, wives, and daughters -- but on behalf of ourselves, our companies, and the future of our country." (Sandberg, 2013, pp. 165-166)

Modi calls men to support "the most talented young workers," not out of altruism, "but on behalf of ourselves," Had my granddad supported my grandmother's pursuit of her master's degree, it would have been to his benefit, to the benefit of his family, and to the benefit of the community.

We should follow Modi's advice and ensure "that the most talented young workers (often women...) are being encouraged to advocate for their career advancement." We shouldn't do this out of altruism, as Modi suggests, we should do it because it will benefit everyone, including ourselves.

Note that Modi doesn't say we should do this for women only, he says we should do it for our "most talented young workers," and the implication is that that group may include women, and if it does, we should be encouraging them because they are the most talented. This doesn't appear to be about affirmative action or Diversity, Equity and Inclusion. It's about encouraging the best, period.

This is the first in a series of posts where I'm reflecting on Sandberg's book in an effort to synthesize my own understanding of the issues and to glean general management insights. In the next post, I'll offer evidence from Sandberg's book and elsewhere supporting her thesis that there is a problem.

I'll end this post with Taylor Swift's tribute to her grandmother, Marjorie.